18. May 17, 2012

Attention Neil stalkers:

Neil stays true to his pattern. He continues to talk with anyone that he can. He has had conversations with:

-an Indonesian couple who were on vacation from their work in Dubai,

-a Taiwanese lady with a broken ankle in a walking cast,

-a shopkeeper who told him that he was originally from Washington DC where he worked for the CIA and that his name was Bond James Bond, and

-Arthur Bonner, a retired foreign correspondent for the NY Times who is 90 years old. He is now a long-time resident of Turkey – which he arranged by depositing a lot of money in a Turkish bank. Mr. Bonner was in Afghanistan before the Russians and wrote a book about it called Among the Afgans.

Yesterday Neil got a Turkish bath. I told him it was about time. He has been in Turkey for over a week now. I misunderstood. Taking a bath in Turkey is different from getting a Turkish bath.

He was directed to a cubical to disrobe and given a locker key and a small towel (for modesty’s sake). He then was led to a steam room with a 6-foot square pedestal. Much to his surprise, there was a lady lying on one side of the raised platform. Much to his disappointment, she also had a small towel strategically placed. After a few minutes, she left for further treatments elsewhere.

He was left there to contemplate his sins and to steam for about 20 minutes. Next, he got a vigorous soapy rubdown (from a masseur and not a masseuse). Following that, another vigorous rubdown, this time the masseur used a scratchy glove. Neil said it felt like he was trying to abrade away the warts on his back.

For a break, they gave him very hot tea and an apple. Then, back to the treatment – an oily deep rubbing. He had a little pain when the guy pushed on the scar of his leg (from the German tractor incident). Otherwise, he said that it felt very good. An hour and a half later and with a lot of his outer skin down the drain, he was done.

For 40 Lira (US$ 22), did he take a financial bath in Turkey?

Afterwards, he went to a Swiss ice cream parlor, had some chocolate chip, and watched the Mediterranean.

There are lots of Roman ruins everywhere in Antalya. If you are there, Hadrian’s Gate is just around the corner from Burger King. If it isn’t the Romans, it’s some other bunch of foreigners ruining the culture.

Neil took 50 Clif Energy Bars with him. He has been using them for snacks when he got a little peckish. He is now down to the last one. At least, the luggage is getting lighter. He also took a bunch of paperback books to read. He is down to War and Peace and the Koran.

His persistent cough continues (obviously, or it wouldn’t be persistent). When he asked about buying some cough drops, the pension guy got him some. I told him to not bring them back into the US. Who knows what exotic narcotics are in them? That’s all I need – my father-in-law busted for importing opiate-based pills!

For dinner last night, Neil had butterfly macaroni topped with yogurt and honey.

Still, no camera. =) =(

-Steve

I was productive this morning for about 20 minutes. And already I’ve hit a before noon wall. That picture of the iris with it’s head flopped over – that’s how I feel today. I wouldn’t mind being a flopped over iris today if it meant I could lay in the sun in the dirt in the garden. I might not even have the energy to flick bugs from my skin. My coffee is giving me hot flashes. My ass has been in this seat for countless hours, I don’t even want to calculate the time my ass. has sat. in this seat. My body is starting to revolt. My hip cramped up when I was walking across the street, cars right-hand turning and NOT LOOKING at the crosswalk nearly hit me cramping up, hunchbacked with my book bag and breakfast. I slept in so late this morning that I seriously poured milk in a pyrex container and cereal in a plastic bag and ate at work. I dumped the remains in the sink even though they told us last week DO NOT DUMP ANYTHING OTHER THAN TOILET PAPER AND HUMAN WASTE DOWN THE PIPES. Apparently a massive sewer build-up flooded the basement last week. But wouldn’t they rather clean up strawberry cereal than than sludge? yes, I think so.
There’s the Fine Arts Fiesta downtown today and this weekend. When I feel the need to peel myself away from this chair, I’ll head down. It’s sunny, but cool and windy. Lately every time it’s been sunny here, there’s been wind – flip up your dress wind. I noticed a group of girls yesterday walking down Main street all clinging to their dress hems. The crazies were out again watching them, hoping a hand would slip. Something about oncoming rain brings them up from the underground the way a flood scatters cockroaches.

17. May 15, 2012

Dear Vicarious Travelers;

Neil called first thing this morning.

The first item of business is a retraction of a previously made statement: the Turks do speak English as well as, if not better than, the Iranians. Neil’s hasty judgment was caused by a sampling error. He had not talked to enough people. However, now with a larger sample, the truth is out.

On a related matter, I asked around town how many people spoke Turkish. I have not found one, yet. I must have too small a sample.

Neil has developed a persistent cough and has lost his cough drops. While he was reporting this, a cuckoo-cuckoo clock started cuckoo-cuckooing in the background.

He has had difficulty finding a telephone that will work with his prepaid AT&T calling card. He enters an 11 digit free access code for the AT&T network, a 6 digit password, and then the 11 digit phone number for me. At that point, the phone goes dead. When the system works, it is really good. His voice sounded like he was next door.

Some people have asked me about these Fatima/Fadime people. I arranged this to save Neil from having to remember two different names. The lady with the A is a tour guide from Iran and the one with an E is Neil’s friend in Turkey. Neil met her, however improbably, in Eugene at a conference where he teaches Mediation Techniques for the University of Oregon law school. One day she told Neil that she would be his guide if he ever came to her country. She assumed that it was a safe offer. Poor woman, little did she know!

Tonight he is in Antalya. When he left the previous city, he was told to be out in front of his pension at 7:30 for the first bus. Neil decided to be a little early. That bus arrived and left 15 minutes early. The connecting bus did the same thing: left 10 minutes before the scheduled departure time. The bus to Antalya was 5 hours long with 2 stops.

Tip: save yourself thousands of dollars and do a You-Tube search for Pamukkale. You can see the same thing that Neil is seeing. Then, when he gets back, you can pretend that you were there before him. Drop a comment such as, “Didn’t you just love the travertine mountain?”

Also, check out his pension: www.sabahpansiyon.com. “Our first aim is to satisfy all our guests at the most degree.” Neil got satisfied while eating his dinner on the pension roof-top. A large crane few by about 20 feet away.

Neil’s camera is still kaput. Every day that goes by, he is missing more good photos. And, when he gets back, he will have that many fewer for me to see. L

Neil missed a chance to buy ancient coins from the many sellers roaming the ruins of Ephesus. He had been warned that they were not genuine. Think about that. The coins were made by the same Turkish people, using the same methods as 2000 years ago, but they are not genuine?

He bought a banana and some dried figs at a local farmer’s market. I don’t know what he did with the banana peel. Probably, he is going to bring it home for me as a Christmas gift.

-Steve

16. May 12, 2012

Dear Birdwatcher;

Don’t you just hate it when some family member calls up and yacks away forever – blocking your phone line. I know that I do. And, so does Neil. Therefore, he called up, gave me some quick details and got off the line. Good job, Neil. Now, I can get back to robocalls from politicians, carpet cleaners, and the Committee to Save Endangered Walnut Trees.

While he was talking from a public phone booth, a tractor drove up and waited beside him. The putt-putt-putt was audible in the background. Fortunately, the stop light changed and it moved away. The last time Neil tried to befriend a tractor, it wasn’t pretty.

The camera is still not working. Several stores did not have in stock the type of battery that he thinks his camera needs. The previous new one lasted for one day. Do you think another new one will fix it permanently?

Neil reports having a great time. He is especially pleased with his ability to get around by himself – finding WC’s, buses, and guesthouses without speaking Turkish.

Neil bought a carpet from some guy named Ali Baba. I think that he may have 40 business partners. The carpet will be sent via FedEx because it wouldn’t fit in the suitcase. There goes another large part of my inheritance.

While touring Ephesus, Neil met a nice German couple. They told him that an older American guy, who was staying at their guesthouse, fell down and broke his leg. When Neil gets back, I’m going to recommend that he abandon this international travel stuff and take up stamp collecting.

-Steve

15. May 11, 2012

Dear Van Guardians;

Daddy-o is doing well. He is happy and also proud that he is navigating on his own. He is also tired from walking and climbing steps because there is so much good stuff to see.

The camera is still not working, much to his dismay. If he had taken a “film” camera, this would not have happened. But nooooo, he took one of those modern “digital” things and modern technology has let him down. I’m sure that he will blame this all on me because I have a computer at home. Therefore, I’m obviously responsible for any electronic failures.

When Neil arrived at the Bergama airport, there was a choice of taking a taxi or a bus. The fare was 80 Lira on the bus or 225 L for a taxi. He took the bus. Neil made an attempt to explain to the bus driver that he wanted to go to the Gobi Pension. The driver then dropped him off directly in front of the Pension! Nice service.

Neil had a good time gesturing with the 80-year-old father of the people who run the Gobi Pension. They communicated via a special old-boy language.

In the next city, Selcuk, he is staying at the Australia-New Zealand Guesthouse. No Auzzies in sight.

Neil ate dinner at a small hole-in-the-wall restaurant and ate something unidentified. Can you guess the results, two hours later? Fortunately, he always carries some industrial-strength anti-diarrhetic medications.

The previous night he had a companion in his bed. Yes, I know what you are thinking and, no, it was not bedbugs. A black and white cat had somehow climbed up the exterior wall and into his second-story window. They spent the night together, much to Neil’s delight. What me worry about fleas?

Although it has not stopped him from having a good time, Neil has found many fewer people who can speak English in Turkey than could in Iran. This probably has some significance – but I don’t know what.

When last seen, Neil was going out to look for a money changer. “Head for the temple” was my advice.

-Steve

It’s raining on all the sparrows. Inside my beautiful old house, I drink a billowing latte, knowing this will not be my house much longer. There are things inside this place I have never done – no sex on the stairs, no writing on the walls, no paintbrush has ever extended from my arm. But I think every inch of it has seen some part of my naked body, I puked once outside in the driveway, I’ve slipped on the tile, I’ve broken many things and cleaned up the shards, I’ve lied, told the truth, watched Battlestar Galactica on my couch and loved it. I took my first bath with a beer – highly recommended. I’ve freed spiders, moths, ants and bees and also killed a few. This house has been through a lot of poems with me.